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HOW TO MAKE NEW YORK GIRLS REALIZE THEY WOULD RATHER BE WITH ADAM WADE
by Adam Wade
Installment #1: Sport
At the bus stop I saw a very sweet girl and I hesitated
to talk to her. Then this guy struck up a conversation
by telling her, "I play tennis, I mean I'm no Agassi,
but I hit a mean ball." I cringed. And then I got very
depressed when she lit up and started talking back to
him, and then when we got on the bus, she sat with
him and I saw them exchange numbers.
I have learned from experience and have
come up with my own personal sports pick-up line (I
don't play tennis). I also have a backup plan: if all goes wrong,
change the topic fast.
I enter a bar alone. It's 7:30 pm and this place is
pretty dead. I see a so-so looking girl sitting
alone (I say so-so mainly because I have the confidence to
approach her). I order a Sprite (my sinuses are killing me = I can't
drink booze or they get worse), pull the straw out of the glass and
sip it like a man.
I look over to her and say, " I play golf. I'm no Tiger Woods, but I swing a mean club."
She gives me a look like she smells something strange and goes, "What?"
I panic and say, "How about them Yankees?"
She goes, "Huh?"
So I say, "Mets fan? Looking good, GO METS!"
The male bartender who has been right there the whole time,
gives me a stare, I realize he looks like Ken Wahl from TV's Wiseguy.
"Why Don't you back off, buddy, be a good boy and drink
your Sprite." He then puts a new straw in my drink.
I save face by drinking my Sprite, through the straw,
and walk out of there with my head up high.
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