HOW TO MAKE NEW YORK GIRLS REALIZE THEY WOULD RATHER BE WITH ADAM WADE: PART III by Adam Wade Installment #3: Gamblin' Man I was home in New Hampshire last week for my mother's birthday. I asked her what she wanted to do on her special day and she said, "Let's go down to Foxwoods Casino and gamble." The next morning I found myself half asleep in the passenger seat as my mother drove me, my grandmother, and my great aunt Arety (two very youthful looking ladies who happen to be in their eighties) to Foxwoods. The girls were all Foxwoods veterans, while this was going to be my first time. When we pulled up, my mother sang out, "Meet me at Foxwoods, YEAH!" Within twenty minutes I had lost $20 on the... nickel machines. My grandmother taunted me, "Nickels? C'mon." I went over to the quarter machines and quickly blew another $40. That's when I stopped. My hard earned money (and the $10 my great aunt Arety secretly slipped me) was quickly evaporating. NO MORE GAMBLING for me. Within an hour, I was sitting alongside my grandmother and great aunt Arety watching a room full of people gamble. We were broke. Soon my mother joined us. We had all 'accumulated' points by gambling (and losing), which meant we could eat at a great restaurant in the casino for next to nothing. Our waitress at the restaurant was a dark-haired Italian Princess, she looked just like Sophia Loren. I was in love. After she put down our water glasses she told us the specials, I couldn't help stare at her low-cut black top. She walked away from the table and I saw that she was wearing tight white pants. "I don't think she's wearing any underpants." My grandmother said, but she didn't say it she shouted it. When the waitress returned, I ordered the New York Sirloin and she smiled at me, "How would you like that cooked, handsome?" Handsome? I gulped and got a bit flustered. "Look at my boy, he's blushing." Cried out my great aunt Arety. The waitress just kept smiling at me. "Medium rare, please." I muttered. "No!" Yelled my mother. "Give it to him medium well," my grandmother barked. "You want your meat cooked, honey. You don't want to get the runs." My great aunt Arety told me. I nodded to the waitress and quietly spoke, "Medium well, please." The waitress left the table and my mother, grandmother and great aunt Arety all said that she was really into me. My grandmother gave me some advice, "You can't treat this girl like a nickel slot machine, you have to approach her like she's a quarter machine, go over there and put 5 quarters in her and win that jackpot." Then my great aunt Arety said, "Like your uncle Custi says, 'You can't win the big money if you don't play the pony.' " I knew what they were trying to say. They were tryign to say they believed in me. My heart was racing while I ate my meal. Afterward, I headed to the bathroom. The waitress was standing alone along the wall. "Hi," I said. "I think it's so sweet... you, out with the ladies." She was glowing as she spoke. "Thanks, I love them...." I said. Time to play the pony, "So do you live here?" "No, I live in Norwich." "Oh, do you have... a boyfriend?" I asked, nice segue. She put her hand on my upper left arm, "Sweetheart, I'm married." "Oh," I said, looking at her ring-less wedding finger, "I... didn't see a ring, and I just..." "I don't wear a ring because of my tits." (I swear to God that's what she said.) I looked down at her chest quickly, then shamefully darted my eyes back up to meet hers. "I'm sorry... your what?" My voice cracked really bad. "TIPS. If I wear my wedding ring, I don't make as much in tips." I didn't know what to say, "Oh... so what does your husband do?" "He's a truck driver for the A & P supermarket chain." I had nothing (long pause), "Yeah, he sounds like a cool guy. He's very lucky ... to be married... to you." She smiled again and I notice how white and perfect her teeth were. She was perfect. She still had her hand on my arm and then she gently squeezed it. I got scared, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom." My heart was still racing as I awkwardly walked away. When I got back to my table the waitress, my mother, grandmother and great aunt Arety were all talking and giggling. They all looked at me as I sat down and my grandmother said, "He's the best boy." My great aunt Arety said, "He certainly is." We said goodbye to the waitress and I walked out of Foxwoods $60 lighter in the pocket, but I had played the pony and I took comfort that I was going home with three wonderful ladies who loved me. º º º
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